I like to think I don’t have an issue with trusting people. Whether that makes me stupid and naive I don’t know.
When someone new comes into your life and makes you feel special, you think you don’t have to have an issue with trusting them.
Those ‘it’s too good to be true’ romances are the most painful to deal with when it ends. Because that thought did come into your mind but you looked past it and trusted them anyway. Trusted that they would be different and trust that your trust would make them act right. Because you’re trusting them with your heart, emotions and feelings. But it didn’t make them act right.
It was Those ‘you’re so beautiful’ at 11 at night when I had no makeup on and those ‘you’re different, I’ve never met a girl like you before’ that made me thank God for giving me someone who appreciated me for exactly who I am. With no filter.
But it was also those corrections – ‘you can’t speak to people like that just because you’re angry’ that made me thank God for him even more. Because that’s someone who cares. Someone who will correct me, despite whether I liked what I was hearing or not.
He trusted me. He opened up to me. And I let him know that as long as we were together I’d be by his side.
The 5am phonecalls. The 2 hour long phonecalls. How did I have so much to say to someone who I had only known for such a short time. When I say the bond was there from the beginning.. it was really there.
And then one day, nothing… I knew it was too good to be true.
I always hear of other girls going through it. But me? With him? I didn’t think it was possible.
One day I was everything he wanted and the next day he gave me nothing. But I’m a fighter and I’ll fight for what I want. But when the other person so clearly doesn’t want you, there’s no amount of fighting you can do.
I cried.. oh I cried. ‘You’re stupid’, ‘you’re too trusting’, ‘you’re naive’ is all I had running through my head for weeks and I thought the pain wouldn’t go away.
You spend all your time with this person and so when it stops, you feel helpless, lonely and depressed. I couldn’t stop asking myself what I did wrong, what I could have done or what I should have done.
I’m still hurting but I realise that it had nothing to do with me. You can’t blame yourself for other people’s careless actions.
Next time all I can do is be careful and guard my heart. Because this is my first heartbreak and I’ve never felt anything like it.